15 Witty quotes about 'Diets' and the tragedy of salad
grumpy Perspective
Dieting is the orderly way of discovering exactly how much you love bread and how much you hate yourself for wanting it. There is no joy in an undressed leaf of lettuce, only the silent mourning for lost carbohydrates. If you’ve ever looked at a green juice and felt a deep, spiritual longing for a cheeseburger, these quotes are your support group.
"I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days."
— Totie Fields
Time is the only thing guaranteed to disappear when you start a restrictive plan.
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
Proper pacing is the key to a sustainable relationship with food. Always keep the prize in sight.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch."
— Erma Bombeck
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
— Ernestine Ulmer
"I'm not overweight. I'm just under-tall."
— James Garfield (Attributed)
"If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?"
— Anonymous
"The best way to lose weight is to watch your food—just watch it, don’t eat it."
— Steven Wright
"Dear stomach, you are bored, not hungry. Please shut up."
— Unknown
"I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I have never once eaten a salad and felt good about it."
— Unknown
"I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."
— Unknown
"I have a heart of gold. And a stomach that wants pizza."
— Unknown
"I'm just a muffin looking for a stud."
— Unknown
"My diet starts tomorrow. I've been saying that since 1998."
— Unknown
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Eat the cupcake. Life is too short to worry about the nutritional content of joy. Better to be happy with a few extra calories than miserable with none. See you at the buffet—I'll be the one hiding a croissant in my napkin.